This is a story.

The beginning - the habit of 'striving to be perfect', constantly comparing and thrashing myself to the point of exhaustion (burnout).
The middle - having an epiphany on the yoga mat about where my fear of being judged and compared really stems from. 
The end - realising that anyone who truly matters to you, doesn’t care HOW imperfect or messy you are.

My Personality. Rewind 15 Years.

I was once told I was the personality type least likely to do yoga. And the personality type in most need of it!  To the die-hard perfectionist I was at the time, that just sounded like a challenge!

Back in my days of stress, anxiety and burn out, this is what my ‘personality’ looked like:
I excelled at rushing, controlling anyone who got close
Striving to be ‘perfect’ and ‘performing’ so no one would know what was really going on. Heaven forbid I let people in on the secret that I was merely human!!??
I would never take a break; because I was so busy working working working to keep up with everyone else who were good enough and better, faster, smarter than me.  Living in a world of comparison.

As a result I felt overwhelmed and immensely resentful towards the people I loved the most and those I worked with.
I had a growing fear of losing my kids, losing my job, or, worse, losing my mind.
I was hell-bent on making sure I was too busy to “feel it or deal with it” and ended up thrashing myself to the point of burnout.
Burnout! I’d become an angry, unfulfilled and frustrated 37-year-old. At breaking point, but not quite as desperate as Marianne Faithfull's Lucy Jordan!

Back to Yoga

My doctor said I should do yoga. My life coach said I should do yoga.  So, I took on the challenge laid out to me with a “So They Think I Won’t Do Yoga, I’ll Show Them” sort of attitude.

But yoga was terrifying! You see, I was lining up in my fancy yoga pants with a habit and mindset of comparison, judgement and striving for perfectionism that was three decades long.  Which naturally led to the assumption that I too was being judged.

However, yoga was the start of my journey into bringing some calm and self-compassion into my world. Because here’s (one of) the beautiful things about yoga:

No one in yoga is watching you.

No One Cares!

No one really cares if your downward dog looks like a contorted camel.

No one cares about your messy moves.

That’s right.  No one is watching you; no one is judging.

Everyone is too busy worrying about how THEY look, and what they're doing, to be judging, watching or caring about YOU.

This realisation totally changed my experience of yoga.  More importantly it changed the way I lived and who I became.

I realised the people who matter in my life don’t care about my mess or my imperfections.

Anyone who really matters to me, would rather I be ‘whole’, imperfect and HAPPY than broken on the inside, ‘perfect’ on the outside and desperately UNHAPPY.

It started my journey to becoming more compassionate, more accepting and more forgiving. Less ‘judgey’ 😊
 
You see, if we believe people are judging us, it is (highly likely) only because we’re coming from a place of judgment ourselves.

If we believe we’re being judged and compared in our role as a mum or dad, is it because we’re comparing and judging other parents and their kids?

If we assume we’re being judged and compared by our friends, is it because we’re making comparisons and judgements inside our own social circle?

And the same applies at work.

As soon as you STOP judging and comparing, you free yourself from the belief that everyone else is judging and comparing YOU. 

It's a Bit Confronting, I know!

The SECRET to becoming happier and free is to limit judgement, limit comparison and ditch perfectionism. Just STOP, you don't need to do anything but STOP. 

Easier said than done, I get it.  Implementing these tools requires you to unpack the fear that is driving those behaviours in the first place. It does require some deep work to break habits of a lifetime.

This is what I can help with.  If you’d like to have the mental freedom that comes from being someone who doesn’t compare, doesn’t judge and doesn’t beat themselves up, then I’d love to help you!

If you’d like to be one of those managers or parents or friends who sets up a safe space for others to be their authentically perfectly imperfect selves too, then I’d love to help you! 

Or, if you feel as if you’ve ‘tried everything’ by yourself and you’re totally overwhelmed with a heavy heart full of things you ‘should be doing if only…’  and you’re ready for a breakthrough, then let’s get together! 

I’m literally in your corner listening, helping you reveal the blind spots and blockages and offering the next steps you can take and apply right away…